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Nancy's Favorite "Mom"ent

Want to know how to get your kids to eat vegetables?  Here’s how.  Scabies!  Yes, those dreadful bugs that live beneath your skin. 
 
Here is how I found this out ...
 
I picked Alex and Charlee up from Patrick and Michelle’s.  Their Mom and Dad were watching them so I could go to work.  When I got there, all the kids were watching Animal Planet Extreme.  I had to drag Alex and Charlee out during a commercial.  On the way home, I lectured them about having to get showered and ready for bed.  I was met with great resistance.  They both wanted to finish watching the rest of the show.  {Fine... it wasn’t worth the argument.}  There was only a few minutes left. They watched in the living room, while I did some dishes.  When I finished, I went to check how much longer the show was going to be on.  There they were, staring at the television screen, wide-eyed with looks of horror on their faces.  I sat down to see what was being shown. 
 
Scabies?!  Yes, all about scabies.  In, might I add,  a very ‘child friendly’ format.  They described, very throughly, how these ‘lovely’ creatures borrow under the surface of your skin, how they shoot some sort of disgusting fluid that dissolves your flesh so that they may drink it, and therefore live off your body, forever...  They went as far as showing people who have it, the lumps, the itching, the yuck... lets not leave out the bug itself!   Don’t you just love these educational programs?!?
 
When the show broke for commercial, Charlee turned to me, as if in slow motion.  I swear if she knew the words she would have said ‘What the ____!!!”  But instead, thankfully, she said “Is that true?!”  She already knew the answer, I was at a loss.  The program was so detailed.  Alex’s insistent nodding didn’t help....  “Yes, honey, it is.”  Her jaw hung open and she started to get flushed.  “Well... IIIII don’t want to get those!!”  I said “I know, I don’t either” “Hoooww dooo you get those?”  I said, {Here comes the mean mommy moment...} “It’s from being dirty, not washing your hands, and touching dirty things.  That’s why we take showers and baths everyday, so we don’t get weird things...”
 
With that Alex bolted to the bathroom, yelling out “I’M TAKING A SHOWER!!!”  Charlee moved to the center of the living room and started screaming “I WANT A BATH, I WANT TO TAKE MY BATH!!!”  She turned all sorts of shades of red and purple.  I got hysterical with laughter.  Are these the same children, who moments ago gave me such a hard time about showering? Try as I might, to tell her that she does not have these things, and will not get them, she couldn’t hear me over her own screaming.  I started up the stairs yelling to her that I was going to get her bath ready right now.  She followed, fumbling to get undressed as she made her way up the steps.  I started running the tap water.  She was not far behind, breaking sound barriers with her shrieking, a step up from the previous screaming.  The water coming out of the tap wasn’t even hot and she plunged into the tub.   She still had her socks, shirt and underwear on, only her pants had made it off.  I couldn’t stop laughing... “Charlee you still have your clothes on.  Get out of the tub!” She started shrieking even louder, as if that was possible.  She was making so much noise in this small bathroom, that I couldn’t even think - the vibrations were shaking my brain, and eyeballs...  She did not want to get out of the tub.  She wanted water, hot or cold, dressed or not, on her NOW!   “Charlee!  Look how old Mommy is.  I never had them!  Look at Daddy he never had them.  You are not going to get them!!”  She was now listening, trying... wanting to believe me.   She stopped shrieking - my ears were thanking me.   Now she was just crying and sobbing.  I was able to get her clothes off.
“How am I not going to get them?  By taking a bath and washing my hands before I eat?”
 
“Yes”  I said, trying to control my laughter.  “You are very clean, you are not going to get them.” She calmed down some more, and asked me to help her wash.  Usually she likes to wash herself.  Not this time.
 
Then I had a thought.  Why not turn this crazy situation to my advantage.  Don’t I deserve something in return for enduring this frantic version of a human brain rattle? 
 
“You know what else keeps them away?”
 
Her attention was mine.  She did not take her eyes off me, waiting urgently for this very important information...
 
“Eating your vegetables.”
 
Her face clearly showed signs of concern.  She isn’t much for vegetables.  This was going to be a problem. 
 
“Why vegetables?”  She paused to think.  “They don’t like vegetables?”
 
“No, vegetables make you healthy and they don’t like healthy.”
 
She nodded an ‘I understand’ nod.  The decision was clear. She was going to have to eat her vegetables from now on.
 
When Daddy got home Charlee bombarded him with information about washing hands, baths, scabies, and vegetables.  It took a while, and a Mommy update, before Daddy understood.

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